Jeremiah Watt Cycling around God's Creation

By Jeremiah Watt-saddlemaker on June 1, 2014

Some might say, It could only happen in China, others may say only to Jeremiah, but I feel like I just lived thru a Candid Camera episode.
So, Pine and I ,moved over to a youth hotel to save a few bucks. It actually suits me better than our overly posh surroundings of last nite. Back to my story though, we were sitting in the room and both had need for some cold water to drink. So natch, I volunteered.

Out the room I went, turned left instead of the proper right, and proceeded down a short hall into a reuired hard left corner. I seen a great old table sitting in the hall and was mindlessly thinking how nice it would look at home………..bing, that int’l c hime known around the world as that of an elevator door.That familiar chime awoke my mental stirrings and I see one man in an elevator, so I sprint over to catch the lift down from our 5th floor lodgings. Down we go, just as simple as that. Ba……ching and the door opens into this overly gloomy basement looking rat hole. I step out too watch the other fellow take a hard right into a stinky, sweaty back alley with dumpster trash and old computer parts………..Wow, I tbought, wonder if that great hall table is still up there , this is surreal?

I make the choice to round the the dark corner in the other direction…….closed door, seems locked……keep walking…….whats that? Some stairs, up we go one flight it seems………..dang its dark, I will never be able to see the cold drinking water it is so dang dark………a door, hoorah, oh crap it seems locked……….around another corner, watch out for the broken ????bricks and old mop handles………a slim crack of light bids me in the gloom. Poochy Maggie, its an unlocked door and I proceed thru………..WHiskey-TAANGO-FOXTROT I think as I walk thru this hanging plastic sheet………I step out into a full on Chinese Grocery store complete with red and gold bedecked banners and gold dragon figures……….bright lights, bins of dried body parts from creatures last seen in Jules Vern novel………thousands of people under 5ft and me………wondering what the hell did I do to get tangled up in this scene? i am expecting a camera pointed at me…….I am sure my eyes were dialated enough they looked like the Hubbard Telesope.

I make a hard left, so as to travel all the way around the room, trying to get my bearings, thinking I may bump into the jokester that set this all up(strangle him quckly), also looking for a window so as to re-boot the “Ocular sensory receptors”. Seeing earth may help me regain my now lost mental edge…….no such luck, not a window to be seen. Round the room i go…….big room so many foot steps take place within this simple sentence. Hey look my Pituitary says……an ice chest………didn’t this adventure start with a need for a cold drink. I love science, just love how the Pituitary has to kick in before yer Coroleanus has a clue its missed a mental message……..not even sure why I got one……Menatl note, remember to ask God why.

i pick out 2 cold teas and prodceed thru the. checkout line. As I turn right, a thin lady blocks a door and says in a high nasal whine ” fengu shou low bing sure,achh”……SHE BLOCKS ME FROM THE DOOR. Crap me thinks, yea now the old Coroleanus is kicking in………even he knows that this maybe a life or death moment……I remind him, that as go I, goes he. Right next to the nasally challenged women is a man dressed in a returned Security Suit……..I know, because on the sleeve it said Bruce. He points at some stairs down and grunts. So, down I go, just one floor, and walk out onto a wood floor…..so far everything has been cement ………its dark as heck, I am on wood floor making my way thru crap you only find unxer a Christmas tree………a plastic horse races out from under a table and under my feet and I think……I wonder if Collins Larae is old enough to play with that. Before I can decide a flying plastic helocopter assails me? I am making a right turn as the offending rotary bug  hit me, i make my way round a corner with plush brown velvet curtains………..a hotel lobby was my first thought………nope………its………..what the heck, an internet chat room with a hundred comfortable seats and young kids typing away to thier beats on Dre as they chat. I see a window…….first one since i started this quest. I peer out, Iam on the third floor. Amazing, I rode down 5, went up one and down one by my count……and ended up on the third floor and maybe 800 yards left of the actual  door to our Youth Hotel and those cold drinks I volunteered to fetch…….next time I will just drink out of the toilet.

The moral here must be, that in all things,political,directional…….or anything else…….always turn right, never to the left.
Never did bump into the camera crew that set this whole scenario up?